20s Reflection

Did my 30th birthday post feel a little anti-climactic? Well, it certainly felt rather anti-climactic. It is a milestone birthday, after all, but it's not like a loud siren goes off in the sky alerting the world to your new decade of life, loud and obnoxious like you're a goalie who let a puck through for the hometeam. And thank God for that, right?

So I'm 30. I adjusted to that imminent reality all year, mostly I think through this blog. I really faced it head on and owned it, so no emotional crisis for me, no worries or concerns, no lamenting over my 20s.

I mean, I made good use of them. I did so much, learned a ton and made major life decisions I'm happy about. I lived in all sorts of different places, with friends, students, alone, boyfriends and now a husband. I dumped and was dumped in significant relationships. I travelled around the country and abroad and explored alone and with others, and also did the resort thing and relaxed.

I nurtured friendships as well as made new ones, did life modelling, beaded jewellery, finished college, got a good job, saw my childhood pets through their senior years and adopted new kitties. I've avoided going into debt and I've acquired proper adult furniture and have some decent savings. I got married, had the wedding I dreamed of and was on reality TV.

I have new boundaries with my father, healthier boundaries that allow me to stay mentally well. I got therapy to work through it all and regained my confidence. I learned to belly dance and have managed to stay in shape for most of my 20s, either through dance, the gym, and even a stint of Tai Chi.

I learned a lot about myself emotionally, and also indulged in pretty clothes and spa treatments. I learned how to feed my soul emotionally, spiritually and intellectually while also finding room to give into guilty pleasures. I let go of the Catholicism I grew up with and developed my own ever-evolving beliefs and ideas about life and the world. I've been intellectually curious.

I'm really pleased with my 20s. They were worthwhile and well spent. I concluded them by getting pregnant and will usher in my 30s with a new wave of life experiences and responsibility. When I look at where I am now and how far I've come over the past 10 years, it strikes me how slow and yet steady I've grown as a person and as a woman.

Dude, I'm a fucking grownup.

WTF, I'm 30

I'm 30. It has happened.

I got this in my email from futureme.org, a letter I wrote myself years ago:

Dear FutureMe,

You're 30. I'm 27. I'm envisioning motherhood, marriage, home ownership and a better job.

If you're not dancing, get back to it. It makes you happy and confident, not to mention healthy and in shape. You have the time, no matter what. It's a priority.

I've changed in the last three years, and I can't know who you are anymore. Hopefully someone better than I am. A little wiser, a little more patient and someone you'd want to know.

If you're a mother, please be the kind that doesn't get trapped in the idea of needing too much stuff. Don't sweat the small things. Encourage good manners, empathy, kindness, authenticity and imagination. Let your children fall down and learn.

And maintain who you are as a person and don't neglect your marriage. I have high hopes for you.

Good luck.

Thanks, me. Now I have to figure out if I need to change my blog title.

Two weeks till 30

So, I'm turning 30 in a little over two weeks. TWO WEEKS (and change). Oh, what a world. With gray hairs sprouting, fine lines developing and a bun in the oven, I'm approaching the milestone year with a relative amount of acceptance, if not unaccountable bewilderment. You go through life feeling like you'll never get old, that somehow an exemption will be made in your case. Not so. Though, like my godmother said, aging beats the alternative.

I'm not sure what the plans are. The Dude said he would sort something out, so I'm leaving it to him. So strange to have named my blog after this pending birthday and now it's approaching at an inhuman speed.

One thing I realize I forgot to include back at Halloween was a picture of my costume!

I posted this on Halloween:

Bumble bee minus antennae.

This is an old costume from 2009 that somehow still fits thanks to the powers of spandex. The Dude threw on his Super Grover costume and we sat out on the porch and handed out candy. Or at least we tried. We actually got snubbed by a lot of families! Heck. I mean, it's free candy.

Then at the McPal party the following weekend I had on my real costume:

Greek goddess, and yes, the Dude is Mugatu and loving it. 

Now, when you're pregnant, no matter what you dress up as, it's going to be seen as a pregnant something or other. There's really no escaping it without being a pumpkin. Pregnant nun. Pregnant witch. Pregnant Cookie Monster. So, you roll with it, and thus what was I the goddess of? Fertility.

The party was, as always, a great time and had a record turnout. It's really awesome to be out and about, enjoying my friends. Time is really ticking for me on the hang out freedom front and it's important not to take this time for granted.

The Dude started painting the nursery and we've ordered the crib. Inch by inch I'm growing and piece by piece we're putting together our new lives.