Two

My spa day was exactly what I needed. My nails are pretty, my pores are unclogged and my muscles are relaxed. I also have faith that the giant zit that recently appeared on my upper back will disperse itself before the wedding.

I kind of don't believe any of this is actually happening. Sometimes I feel cloudy in my life. Like I'm watching myself have experiences. I'm always somehow more in the moment when I'm remembering the moment instead of having it.

My spa day was four and a half hours. I've been looking forward to it for weeks and now in a flash it's over and I'm writing about it. I've been planning this wedding for a year. It's going to be a memory in less than 72 hours.

I never gave much thought to how I'd feel having this hoopla surround me. I just knew I'd want the memory, the photo album to show my kids, the chance to have my loved ones all together and an opportunity to wear an impractical but beautiful dress. It's a life experience I can relive in my mind afterwards, where it will stay vivid and joyful.

I think that's pretty much what this is about. The marriage could have been performed privately to the same end for little money and no time. Despite my anxieties over all that concentrated attention, I want the images and sounds to be recorded inside my head, to be able to relive the moments as many times as I want for the rest of my life.

Maybe this line of thinking will make the stress hives that have appeared on my lower back go away.

And now I'm off to a lovely evening with Lyn and another dear friend, to make even more memories.