Thursday, December 29, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I'm supposed to see a movie tonight, but I'm afraid my cough will strike and I'll annoy people and have to leave. I've been dousing myself with remedies to bring on the cough so I can get it over with already, but it drags on and on.
The week has also been spent feeling very introspective. I'm almost always a reflective person. The Dude catches me staring into space, deep in thought, and usually has poor enough judgement to snap me out of it to ask what I'm thinking about, to which I never give him a good answer. But with my alone time I've been really digging into some old memories that pop up. But not really memories, more like old feelings associated with the past.
I've thought a lot about my childhood. And while I think I had a reasonably good one, suddenly and abrasively I'm grateful it's over. I've thought about my teen years, which had its moments, but was mostly a painful and anxious time for me, and I remember the sense of dread I walked around with almost all the time. And it's weird because I'd forgotten about it, I'd forgotten the real way it felt. I intellectually know I hated high school and felt trapped there, but the actual feelings were long gone and I couldn't feel them again.
And then suddenly there they were. A sense of isolation, feeling misunderstood, mild despair and frequent self-loathing. And childhood was confusing and lonely. I always felt trapped. I needed so much alone time, which I was rarely given, and yet when I needed companionship I often didn't have any, courtesy of being someone who liked being by myself.
So here I am, at my desk during work hours, and I'm suddenly hit by a wave of feelings I'd forgotten about, and then all sorts of gratitude it was no longer something I was feeling. And this all happened the week after I got married. I think I experienced the emotional residue of a major life milestone. Like an aftertaste of past experiences that are officially over.
It's weird. My day to day life is the same. I'm the same person and my relationship is unchanged. But there's something in the air, a sense that the future is now more important than the past. I've always looked to the past. That's what being a reflective person is like. You always look backwards to try and understand where you've been. Now I'm looking forward and now that those random waves of past emotions have stopped coming over me, I feel really done with them.
Nothing in my life has changed, except the way I think, which actually might be an incredibly large change, and a good one. I'm excited to think about the future, I mean, to really think about it. And I feel free.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Tomorrow is your wedding day. Lyn should be with you for the past week, and (MOH), Christina, and (McPal) should be around. These are really amazing people in your life: family, old friends, new friends and even internet friends. You're a lucky person. Even with Mom not being here, you're surrounded by people who love you and who are happy for you.
Everyone says the day flies by, so try and remember it, don't take the party too seriously and focus on the fact you're getting married. This is the biggest decision you've ever made, because it involves someone else: the person you love most.
Tomorrow be calm and remember what a good man you're marrying. Think about the joy of having a partner to go through life with, someone you can trust, someone you know will be a good father, someone who treats you with kindness and respect.
Give your friends a hug, give the kitties a kiss, and smile, because love is awesome. I can't wait to be you.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
2. Make a final payment to the florist.
3. Make a final payment to DJ.
4. Pick up my dress.
5. Go to the bank and withdraw all the monies I'll need to pay certain people in cash day-of.
6. Get final cost from the venue and write them a cheque.
7. Spend some more time breaking in my shoes.
8. Go to my colonic and spa appointments.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Why: I'm nearly 29 and I feel totally weirded out being given away by a man to another man, one whom I've been living with for years. What's the symbolism there? My box renders me incapable of giving myself? Plus, my father and I don't have much of a relationship. I find the tradition archaic.
Seriously, I hate them. I find them tacky. I think they're unnecessary and foolish. Applauding the wedding party as they prance to music? Really? As if they were performers in a show? I think I'll have more than enough attention that day without milking and squeezing it out of my guests.
I think dancing with parents is charming... so long as everyone ele is allowed to dance as well. Hogging the floor and insisting upon an audience for the first dance, then the father-daughter dance, and then the mother-son dance is narcissistic. 15 minutes of not letting your guests enjoy themselves while you do? People by now are used to egomania at weddings so they don't think about it too much. They just get bored and converse with their table mates until it's over. So we'll not be doing that. We'll also invite people to join our first dance.
A slideshow can be done well, if it's short, if it's funny, perhaps has various family and friends in it so everyone can enjoy. Better still if it's out of the way and ongoing so people can watch or not at their leisure. But we're not bothering. Anyone interested in our childhood can come over and view our family photo albums in our home. I'll brew some tea.
When you're nearly 30, gathering all your single friends on the floor to make them catch something that'll predict which one will get married can be a gong show. If they're into it, cool. But generally, I've seen only a couple instances where it's been enjoyed. As for the garter, I'm not having the Dude reef up my dress in front of everyone I know and love.
Monday, October 17, 2011
2. I'll have three babies total.
3. I'm going on a big trip and that it's going to be lucky/important.