Monday, December 17, 2012

Mystical Journey

Occasionally I attempt to be a normal person who does social things during the day. I have realized that I am a liability to a good time. Or at least I feel that way. I need to be able to sit down every hour, otherwise I get exhausted on my feet. I also might get sleepy and need to leave early. Funny thing is that never happens at night when I'm home. Here I am, nearly 4:00 a.m. and awake as it gets.

I went to lunch in the Distillery District today with Buddy B, his girlfriend, and the Dude. Other friends had suggested the Christmas Market there earlier and I turned it down, knowing my need to sit would go unmet at that location. But brunch? An hour of sitting? Well, that sounded doable. I was weary about the potential for walking around for hours, but I've been growing worried about not getting out enough while I can. Well, I didn't need to worry about walking around.

You know, I normally hate rain in the winter, like most normal people, but this time it really saved my ass. Any browsing of stalls and lingering on our feet was circumvented by the weather and my need to escape the situation and go home and nap was appeased immediately without me being a wet blanket. Sad, right? Yay rain for ruining a good time so that I wouldn't have to?

I fell asleep on the way home and when we got in, the Dude unzipped my boots for me, I made a beeline for the couch and slept for four hours. I suppose I'm paying the price for that sleep now. And on top of my crazy sleep/non-sleep, I've had a sinus attack that's lasted nearly 48 hours. This is increasingly common. Along with my unending hacking cough, I really feel quite sick. I know now the only cure is giving birth.

The pregnancy photo shoot was fun and yet it feels like a giant lie. I look glowing and healthy and joyous. I feel anything but. It's hard to know if I'm being too harsh when people ask me how I'm doing. I've been honest. Is it too much? Too negative? Off-putting? Disappointing? I don't know.

I've been trying to remind myself I don't need to like this. I'm angling for the result. The experience of getting there need not be a mystical journey. I wish, though, that I could be one of those women who loved it. I had thought I would be. I guess you can't predict life.

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