Wednesday, February 20, 2013


No matter what, I'm pretty sure I'm going to continue to give a massive shit about my vanity. I'm not a gorgeous woman, but I'm pretty enough, in a cute sort of way, and I want to maintain my appearance. My figure has never stopped traffic, but I like my legs and I've always had a nice bum.

What I am faced with post-pregnancy is totally uncertain and my Google searches are littered with queries like "shrinking rib cage after pregnancy," "post natal stomach", and "breasts after weaning". I think they equal the number of searches I've done on actual baby care, antenatal information and fetal growth.

Currently my bum has flattened out. The Dude says he doesn't think it has, but then he'd never tell me the truth about that. I think it shrunk, and not just relative to the size of my belly. I think it's less round. Probably my spreading hips are the culprit. Even my loosest pyjama pants I can't haul up around my buttocks anymore. I hate the thought of going through the rest of my youth with a flat ass. I'll accept it when I'm a senior citizen, but I would really like to enjoy my 30s on a nice rump.

I have no stretch marks (Yet. Knock on wood) and at 37 weeks, that's not too shabby. But oh God, will I have loose skin around my midsection? I can't bear the thought. I was given a Belly Bandit from my cousin and his girlfriend and I fully intend to use it. It's supposed to help the uterus shrink back to normal size in a timely fashion. I'm hoping it'll also do my ribcage a favour, as it's spread about two inches. I'm already short waisted and small breasted. The last thing I need is to be barrel shaped. I'd like to regain some semblance of a waist, something suggesting an hourglass.

I've started to gray, something I mentioned long ago. Hair falls out after pregnancy. You barely lose any for nine months, which in my case has bestowed upon me more hair than I know what to do with, and then after birth you lose everything you retained. Some women get bald patches. My hair is naturally so thick, I'm not terribly concerned about the loss of volume. What I am thinking about is the gray hair. All the hair that falls out could come back white. I could have a salted red head.

And I don't know what kind of baby I'll have and whether he or she will be calm enough to take to the hair salon, which I'll be quite desperate to do should my fears come to light. I could wind up looking like a witch.

And let me just say, the very last thing I'm interested in hearing is how it'll all be worth it. I wouldn't have subjected myself to this had I thought my looks were too precious to risk. They're not. I do think, though, I'm allowed to have conflicting emotions about my bodily changes. I also don't want to hear that I won't care. I'll still be me and, yes, I'll still give a damn what my body looks like.

At least my shoe size hasn't changed. I don't have an extensive collection, but I would be incredibly bummed to have to lose out on ever wearing this pair again:

Of course right now it's winter,
and my feet are too swollen currently to wear them.

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