35

My friends threw me a super adorable shower this past Sunday at the McPal house. It was cutely decorated and there were yummy sammiches and cake and cheese and such. My Toronto friends were all there and they gave me some really nice things for the baby, like a charming mobile and books and blankets and sleeping gear. It was a really nice day. I love my friends.

We also got a used rug from McPal, and it's in the nursery now. It really fits in and makes it more of a bedroom space. Touches like that really make it complete and, because I can't help but say so, really ties the room together.

The McPals are the one household I know that have their own helium tank and actually get a lot of great use out of it. We took home many balloons in our Zipcar. The Dude considered leaving them in the trunk for the next person to open it and be assaulted with a ton of helium balloons. But no, they're in the living room. The big one is still holding on. The cats approached them cautiously at first and then nothing exciting happened, which was too bad. I'd hoped maybe Sprinkles would pounce them like the clown she is. Smokey was scared of balloons in his day. Poor old guy probably would have had a heart attack.

And wildly, with the showers over and me being about 35 weeks, that means I have a little over a month until I'm due to give birth. The crunch time to acquire the remaining items has begun, and I have three weeks of work left until I can stop and relax and focus on the baby. It's all happening stupidly fast now.

But the list of things to get has shrunk a ton:
Play yard/bassinet
Bedside table
Gliding rocking chair
Cloth wipe solution
Wrapping baby carrier
Breast pump
Bibs

But in all honesty, the pump and bibs can wait. Well, hopefully the pump can wait, otherwise the Dude will be running an errand shortly after the birth. I don't want to think I'll have issues breastfeeding, but it happens.

I also investigated a daycare in the area. $1450 per month for an infant. $1450. Even if it drops a couple hundred for a toddler, it's still so much money. So, we won't be going there. There's one even closer to our house that I'm going to check out, which my in-laws use. Hopefully it's not also $1450. Jesus, this city is expensive. I mean, I knew that, but hell.

I've already been asked a lot by some family when I'm going to have more and now I think my answer is I'll consider it if someone wants to pay me $1450 a month for three years. Crazy, but having two kids would literally make the difference between ever being able to buy a house, or not.

Just think, a working class man's income alone used to be able to buy a house and provide for a family of six. Now? Pfft. Not bloody likely!

32

I'm 32 weeks pregnant today. I am huge. The Dude assures me I am not huge, but try actually being this size and hauling around my ass all day and tell me I'm not huge. Because I totally am. And, oh, sweet merciful crap is my back feeling it.

And my lower abdomen too. Yes, you can actually feel your uterus stretch out and it don't feel good, boy howdy. Sometimes I walk around with my hands under my belly as if to hold it up. The weight is surprisingly challenging to manage. How do fat people do it? Dude, seriously. Lugging around excess you is exhausting.

I went to my baby shower in my hometown last weekend. My aunt threw it for me and my family came, plus my friends in town and some of the Dude's relatives. It was really nice to see everyone. It was a laid back affair, the kind where there was enough seating for everyone, some sandwiches, no games and a tasty chocolate and vanilla cake. It lasted two hours. Frankly, it was the sort of shower that I like: simple, quick and with cake.

I received some lovely things, ranging from the nice-to-have to the need-to-have: Diaper bag, toiletries, toys, blankets, washcloths, books, teething rings, thermometer, harnessed baby carrier, change pad, monitor, bottles, and lots of clothes.  The nursery, still completely not put together, is stuffed with bags. We're going to have to get organizing or the delivery of more nursery furniture is going to be a pile of chaos.

We still need:
Breast pump
Play yard
Bibs
Car seat adaptor for the stroller
Rug
Portable changing pads
Wrap baby carrier
Crib sheets
Nursing pillow
Glider

It's sort of wild to think about. I've been squirrelling away money for over a year, so we will able to manage all this, but good god. These upfront costs are crazy. And I'm eight weeks from my due date. Unbelievable. Nine months is a long time physically to be pregnant, but financially I could go for another three months to bulk my savings.

Four

This heat is oppressive, isn't it? Well, if you're in Toronto, you know what I'm talking about. We had the AC on for a bit, and discovered the vent or whatever it was needed to be changed when within an hour I was wheezing and sneezing up my soul. I spent a couple days suffering through sinus hell. The heat in comparison is almost welcome. At least I can breathe.

I have recently come into a situation that is quite an ass thing for any woman: my reliable, personable, talented and affordable hair stylist quit. And not just the salon she was at, but apparently the business. And four months before my wedding when I was counting on using her services.

So I went on a search to discover a new salon. I saw excellent reviews for Fringe in Parkdale, my old haunt. The quality of the cut is good and the actual salon is really cool. I like minimalistic modern settings. But... it was $40 more than my price range, and I was kept waiting 10 minutes without an apology, and I was left completely alone in the salon for 15 minutes, not even a receptionist was present. I think the colour was left in too long, not based on how long it needed, but around the stylist's activities. Anyway, I can't justify going back with the highest price and lower service.

So the search continues. And not having a regularly stylist you're familiar with to do your hair on your wedding means you have to call around, ask for prices and get recommendations and pretty much hope for the best.

With under four months to go, things are really starting to happen. In particular, four things.

My maid of honour and my aunt are cohosting a shower for me in my hometown. All my family and nearby friends will be invited. McPal, being my bridesman and Torontonian wanted to also throw a shower, a tea party type affair cohosted with his fiance, for my Toronto friends who would be too far from my hometown to attend the shower.

So this is really nice. But what I hadn't realized was that the Dude's family was going to be as excited about showers as mine would be. The Dude's mom decided she wanted to throw a shower as well to introduce me to her family. I let her know about my maid of honour's shower, but she felt it was important for her to do her own. So now we're up to threee.

Then the Dude's stepmom wanted to throw one for the ladies on her husband's side of the family. I again let her know about the already existing shower and that all the ladies she wants to host would be invited, but she still wanted to host one herself.

I'm having four showers.

Now, this is not a complaint. When you have so many people wanting to do things for you to help you celebrate that you wind up with four showers, this is not a problem. It's an outpouring of love and kindness. But holy moley, I'm having four showers and I never would have seen such a thing coming in my whole life.

I think for the Dude, his family have been wanting to do something. None of his other brothers got married, so while there have been babies born and all the joy that comes with grandchildren, there's been no weddings. So I think that is where a lot of that enthusiasm comes from. It's a chance for parents to get involved and participate in this sort of milestone for one of their kids and show some love, and this may be the only chance so they're making the most of it.

It really is moving. I'm happy I'm marrying into a kind and caring family.

But wow. Four showers. Little-known fact about me: Opening presents makes me feel a little awkward. Looks like I'll be on the road to getting over that in the very near future!

Inquiries

When you're 10, you blow your money on candy and comic books.
When you're 13, you blow your money on candy, comic books, slushies and magazines.
When you're 16, you blow your money on candy, slushies, movies, fast food, and clothes.
When you're 19, you blow your money on booze.
When you're 22, you blow your money on booze, clothes, restaurants, magazines and Starbucks.
When you're 27, you blow your money on kitchen supplies and home decor. And wine.

Which brings me to today, having just gotten home from dance class and a side trip to Kitchen Stuff Plus. I wasn't going to go there, but someone waved a delicious 25% off coupon in my face and suddenly I needed French onion soup bowls. While I was at it, I picked up some stuff to upgrade the sad state of the bathroom. And then all was well.

So I spent the weekend in my hometown yet again, this time for a baby shower. My cousin's wife, who I used to work with back in the day, is seven months pregnant. Back when I found out in November I was jazzed not only for their happiness, but I was sure this bought me some time before the relatives started poking their attention back into my uterus. Ohohoho. No.

"When's your turn?"
"When you take the throne..." (Throne?)
"When will we be seeing you with a belly?"

"When are you going to get pregnant?"
"Oh, I'm waiting till I'm married."
"You don't need to wait."
"Oh, I need to wait."
"Well, when are you getting married?"

"You only have till 30 because your risk of Down's syndrome babies go up." (I dispute this. Pretty sure it's after 35)

And so on in that fashion. Times are a changin' aren't they? Only 50 years ago living together before marriage was a big no-no. These days it's the rare family that are upset about it and no one else sees a scandal. Everyone's doing it. Getting your girlfriend pregnant used to mean you propose. Now? Maybe move in together, see how that goes, no point in marrying just 'cause you've made a baby. Now people are moving in, getting pregnant and figuring to hell with a marriage certificate. Common law status is like a new norm.

It's to the point now that even if you're unmarried, your family still wants you to get pregnant and wouldn't automatically think it must be an accident if you do.

In many ways, I like this relaxation. It's nice to have autonomy and not be bound by social conventions like marriage. It really shouldn't be other people's call if you live with your boyfriend without marrying him first. It makes marriage something you want to do, not something you have to do in order to have the romantic companionship.

But all the same, I'm still traditional enough that I'd prefer my loved ones not assume I'm going to make babies with someone other than my husband, and as I don't have one, I'd rather they not inquire about my future children and why they're not here yet. The reason to me is obvious. It's because I'm not married. And asking me why I'm not married is too private.

I suppose no woman my age is safe from these questions. Though really I think they should be bugging my nearly-40-year-old male cousin about his plans. Guy's still unmarried and keeps dating fertile-aged women to keep his options open. They probably would if only he'd come home more often. Probably keeps away on purpose. Sure would be fun to watch him be peppered with these inquiries.

PS, this is Glee awesomeness.