Saturday, March 12, 2011


There's something inherently nail-biting for me about having my landlord show my apartment. I always feel so judged and up for inspection, which really I am. And in this instance, it's also a look at potential new upstairs neighbours. I also hear what's being offered, and it's higher rent, higher utilities, and meanwhile the Dude and I have negotiated a wildly good deal for the downstairs apartment, so I also feel unnerved knowing that in comparison the upstairs place isn't such a steal.

Oh, but it's hopefully done now. I shouldn't let it rattle me so much, but it does. It's not like I am against the place being shown whatsoever, either. I just somehow feel guilty. I think because, again, we made such a good deal and I get concerned that we'll be judged more harshly on how we keep the place. That, and I have a tendency towards neurosis in a couple areas of life, like business and haggling, which essentially this is.

In a completely unrelated matter, I've decided for the first time in about eight years that I'm going to do Lent again. I grew up with it and it always did me some good. There's no real reason to throw away something so beneficial for me simply because I've lost my faith in Catholicism. I can pick and choose what I want for myself.

So I've given up dessert. No cake, chocolate, ice cream, or any other sugary treat that could be dessert material, like pastries, tarts, cookies, squares, mints...

It's day four and I'm not climbing up the walls. Frankly, I'm astounded. I'm not even fighting the temptation. It's weird. I eat sugary treats every single day. They please me, they make me happy, I love them, etc. I think it's the combination of having posted my decision on Facebook (Thus making me feel accountable to over 200 people in my list-- whether they care is besides the point), and the fact that while I don't know for certain whether any deity exists or not, I have just made a promise to whatever's out there and I dare not break my word just in case.

I do all sorts of things my former religion tells me not to,and quite happily, but as an adult I never freely agreed to those rules, so nuts to it. This however is a commitment.

When the weather started to really get ass and I started allocating money elsewhere, dance went by the wayside. Temporarily, but still. I've lost muscle tone and have gained a bit of flab. So frankly, I could use the opportunity of Lent to reduce my calorie intake. We'll see what happens.

The Dude came home from Cobb's bakery this evening and told me they were selling a St. Patty's day scone that was chocolate mint. I could've killed him.

Me: Why'd you tell me that?!
Dude: What?
Me: Now I know about it and I can't have it! Damn you!
Dude: Well, do you want me to buy you one and freeze it?
Me: ...Yes.

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