The Newsroom

I want to wax poetic about The Newsroom. It's one of the better new shows out right now.

For a time I wanted to be a journalist, and while I didn't actively pursue it after college, my interest remains intact and my belief in the need for quality news is stronger than ever.

And where is this quality news? Where are the reporters and news outlets that value the truth and delivering the facts to the people? I'm frequently disappointed. I feel like our government is not being held to full account. I feel like important stories go cold in favour of fluff.

The CBC, which I think is generally good quality news, fails its audience with their political panel, which only wants to discuss political strategies instead of the real impact of our politicians' decisions. What do I care what Harper should do to secure voter confidence? I want to know more about the ramifications of shutting down the experimental lake and closing Kingston Penitentiary.

Do I give a flying fiddler's fart what McGuinty ought to be thinking about during elections? No. I want in-depth coverage focusing on his past career decisions and policies, all laid out and juxtaposed against his opponents' policies and political histories so that viewers/voters can get quality insight about their choices and make an informed decision. Tell me, who are these people? Not what can they do to get votes.

People get informed through the news and I don't really feel like the news is doing much to inform. All I see are speculations about people playing the game of thrones, basically. That is all.

And where is the coverage on climate change? Dude, it's hot, it's dry and food prices are going to soar. How will people eat? What are our leaders going to do about that? They favour the economy over the environment, even though the economy is dependant entirely on the environment, and in about 15 years we're not going to recognize this planet because the ice caps will have melted even more (If not entirely?), and a couple of countries will have disappeared. Where's that story? Newsflash: people need to eat. People need a habitable planet to live on.

The world as we know it, according to all reliable science, is changing for the worse and if you're younger than 50, you're fucked because you're going to be stuck with a fucking mess. And no news organization is talking about it. I mean, why bother? The Olympics are on.

I suppose what I like about the Newsroom is the fantasy it allows me to live in, that there are news organizations that give a damn about the world we live in and getting the facts to the people. I don't think that's the world we live in. But for an hour a week I can dream.

The result

So, the show is over, and I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to really get into it on here. Legal documents and all that jazz. I will say it was something I'll tell my kids and grandkids about one day. And my hair looked good. And the Dude has a face made for TV. Seriously, he is so beautiful to me, and I think in general as a human being.

I learned some things about myself, which I can talk about, because my feelings belong to me. I'm emotionally sensitive, to others, and about myself. I don't think I'm meant for media. I enjoy who I am, I like being myself, but I think I enjoy sharing that side of myself with those who know me for a reason.

People tell me I'm quirky or weird, and they try to box who I am. That I can't be mellow or traditional or conservative in certain ways. Or they get to know a more reserved side of me and are shocked when the quirk comes out.

I'm hard to get to know. I'm aware of this. I can be funny, and sometimes rely on that first, which doesn't really let people in. Other times I'm quiet and very reserved, if I'm unsure or nervous. I'm rarely who I am imediately. But for the show, I was. I was because for once I wanted to be out and open and not just with people who really love me.

The outcome had disappointments, yes. And there were things said which were sad to witness. But I came out feeling proud of myself, and who I am. I gained something. As much as I enjoy being me, I sometimes struggle with self loathing. I was picked on a lot as a kid, and as a teenager. More often than not, people just don't get me. I think that's perhaps where it comes from.

More than anything, I want to like myself. And I watched myself and saw for the first time myself through other's eyes in a way I never had before. And I was able to be proud of what I saw.

After the show, the Dude said to me, "I'm so proud you're my wife." And I cried.

I'm too sensitive for this sort of thing, but I didn't come out of it empty handed. I like myself a little more. I'm grateful.

TV/Writing, not related

I'm going to be on TV on Wednesday. I can't talk much about it, 'cause I signed a legal document and all the jazz, but hoo boy, it's all really happening. Mildly nervous if not completely nervous. I've never been on ye olde TV before for anything. Well, I once saw my face on the CBC during a weather report. That's about it. Not really the same thing.

My friends and I are having a viewing party, though I'll have PVRed the episode a couple hours earlier. My best friend and I will watch it together over the phone and freak out. Dude. Just dude.

Once this whole thing is done I will literally have no immediately plans or schemes or big projects on the go. It will truly be back to normal everyday life for me. And that's a charming notion. Just living life, saving monies, spending time with friends, writing my book, and work.

I guess the book writing is a project, though somehow it doesn't feel that way. Still only a quarter of the way into my first draft. I'm at a point where I have to dig seriously into my character's backstory and I think it's going to get a little dark. And I've been getting mentally prepared for that.

I recently read a book where the writer had all this build-up for her protagonist and it was totally anti-climactic because the plot didn't really go where it needed to go. It was almost like the author was too afraid to get gritty about a necessarily gritty topic. I want to be braver and bolder. I want to pack the sort of punch that's needed to make an impact in the story.

It's going to be hard. And occasionally I get concerned about anyone reading the story thinking that it's in any way autobiographical. I wonder how many other people feel that way when they're writing.

Dresses for weddings

Today will be a day of many things, like finishing the floor and making butter tarts. But I put those homey thoughts aside while I mull over dresses.

I was contacted by the show again and they shot me some dates. Looks like my wedding will be at the tail end of the others. I'll be using these shindigs as an excuse to get some new dresses. But alas, I need wedding-appropriate dresses and some of the items on my current wishlist just aren't up to snuff, like this one:

Obviously I can't wear a white dress to a wedding.
But it's so dang cute! No, no, I won't do it.

They say you can't wear red to weddings either. But why? Why?
Up close there's embroidery and I heart that sort of detailing.

This one is more wedding appropriate.
A splash of white is okay, isn't it?

This little number would be perfect,
if it were still in stock.

This dress is the most practical, really.
I'll probably wind up getting it.

I think I have somewhere in the neighbourhood of 35 dresses. I really believe everyone collects something. I know people who collect shoes, scarves, purses, guitars (There's an expensive venture), makeup, pet stuff, bar accessories and all sorts of things they technically don't need. The Dude collects junk he finds on the side of the road. I have my dresses.

Which is funny because I spend so little time, compared to most people, out of my house.

Le TV

The Dude and I got a new TV a few days ago. Was this terribly wise, considering we're saving for a wedding? Yes and no. Dude's been wearing me down for years on this topic. I had this tube TV that's about 7 years old, which was obsolete when I bought it. It was all of 26 inches, heavy as ass and it still worked. And that's all I cared about.

I'm the sort of person who doesn't upgrade. I will use anything until it breaks. I have the same toaster I bought to take with me to college 10 years ago. It was bottom of the line and it has no special functions. But damn, it makes toast. My electric kettle came from my late grandmother's house 10 years ago.

I had a touch tone phone with a cord that I was given for Easter when I was 13. That was my home phone until I was 23. I finally threw it away when it stopped hanging up properly and I missed calls, the last one notably a person I'd invited over and who could not buzz me because the phone didn't ring. I've never fully stopped feeling bad about that one.

My laptop I bought refurbished at the end of 2007 to replace the eMac I bought in 2004. Apple had stopped making eMacs by the time I bought that bad boy, so I got a great deal. Only when it stopped working and died on me did I consider getting a new computer.

I had the same futon bed and mattress for about six years, which I had bought to go away to college. By the end it had developed a deep grove in the centre and we'd fall asleep on an angle. In the morning the Dude and I would wake up on top of each other. It also smelled funny. So I cracked and splurged on a new bed, a proper adult bed with a pillowtop mattress. But to the Dude's dismay I didn't get a queen. The double seemed more practical.

So I was ready to hold out getting a TV for quite some time. But this living room is so dang small compared to the last one and the TV stand takes up too much valuable real estate. But such a large stand is needed for such a bulky old TV. So the Dude won and step one of making more space was getting a modern flat-screen TV.

And okay, it's pretty amazing. We didn't get the very best TV (of course) and we bought the floor model. We didn't get the 42-inch or the newest model. We stuck in a budget I could live with and quality the Dude could live with. And this was our first big shared purchase.

And it occurred to me that doing this before the wedding was actually kind of a good idea. We breezed through our decision making, sorting out the pros and cons and came to a consensus. It was the same way with choosing paint colours and it's been this way with making wedding plans. It's nice to know our communication holds up for large purchases for the home.

And I guess it's nice to have something up-to-date in the house. Such a rarity.

Royal Wedding

So despite a lingering bout of unwellness, I chose to stay up all night so I could watch the royal wedding. Most people would have gone to bed and set their alarm clocks. I'm too self aware to make what sounds like such a sensible decision. I'd just hit the snooze and go back to bed. If I had any chance in hell of being awake at 5:00 a.m., it had to be an all-nighter.

I watched a PVRed Toy Story 3, drank a 4:30 coffee and catnapped on the couch with the lights and TV on to prevent full-on sleep. And here I am a little before 11:00 in the morning feeling only slightly worse for wear. So I'd say it was worth it.

And there are the cynics out there who decry the royal wedding as a waste of our collective energy (Waves at McPal) but I can't help being thoroughly charmed by the whole thing. I suppose I could explain what it is about the royal wedding that pleases me.

1. It really brought the people of the UK together. The royal family is an enduring smbol of their history, and without any real political power, their influence is only so great as the people will allow it to be. Hence, I think, the affection. They've gone from being the government to being a living cultural relic. They're no more relevant than Japan's geisha, but people like indulging in the more asthetically pleasing aspects of their country's culture from time to time.

2. Speaking of asthetically pleasing, look at all those hats. I've always loved a good hat, but have rarely felt equal to the task of leaving the house in one. I fawn over them in stores, look at them online and fantasize about various hats I would pair with my dresses. But it's hard to pull off a good hat in this North American society without being looked at as an eccentric. And it's not that I mind people who know me thinking I'm odd due to my personality, as often happens. But I kind of feel squemish at strangers staring at me, which they would do were I to sport the sort of hats I covet.

3. It's of historical interest. I wasn't alive for Charles and Di, but I've seen the footage countless times. I kind of wanted to put in the effort to "be there" for this one. William will in my lifetime be my country's head of state. It's an international news story an estimated 2 billion people watched. It's enjoyable to be a part of that and to share a collective experience.

4. If my mom were alive, she'd have watched it. Maybe we would have arranged to watch it together. My aunt/godmother was all ready for it. In fact, I called her last night and her first question was whether I was all ready for the royal wedding. It was sort of a small bonding thing for her and I. She loves the royal family and so did my mom. She would have married around when Diana did, would have been pregnant with me around the time Diana was pregnant with William and now Mom's firstborn would have been married the same year as Diana's was. She adored Princess Di. I think this whole affair and it's timing would have really made her happy.

And my general impressions of the wedding itself were good. It was very restrained. Definitely elegant, but not over the top whatsoever. It was formal, traditional and understated compared to the passion and fervor the English had for the event. And considering the recession, I thought the modesty and simplicity were respectful. Plus now there's this needed boost to the UK's economy, and the royal family pretty much foot the bill for what's now going to be a huge tourism advertisement for London, England. Also, they all got the day off. Everybody wins. Not bad at all.

And, most importantly, I just really love love.

My So-Called Quarterlife

So I've been re-watching old episodes of My So-Called Life. Man, I was 12 when that show came on the air, and sadly only 13 when it was cancelled. I was in grade seven. It kind of defined for me a burgeoning teenage existence. I was too young to long for the independence and excitement that Angela wanted, but I was close.

It hit me around the same time, my grade 10 year. I felt stuck in a rut, like I didn't belong with my current friends and like my look and personality and the way everyone saw me all revolved around some bland and equally off-putting image that I couldn't break out of. I fantasized about changing schools or starting over in another city.

Since I didn't have the balls for that, I changed my hair. I chopped it all off, and for good measure I had huge blond chunks highlighted in the front and only the front. It was very punky and nothing anyone would have expected from me.

I also got new friends, and one in particular I could get in trouble with, the kind of trouble you want as a teenager: alcohol, sneaking out, secret parties, and all kinds of drama. So in a way, you could say I followed the My So-Called Life, well, life. I found my own Rayanne, so to speak, left my old friends and radically altered my appearance. Only my old friends I don't think noticed I left and there was no tears shed over my leaving.

I remember feeling like life was really happening. When I watch the show now I feel a nostalgia, not for the show, but the fact so much of that teenage drama and angst was real. Sadly, I also now relate to the adults who think Angela is being difficult or unreasonable. I didn't see it at the time.

I wish there was a show on now about this era of life. There have been a few stabs at it. I guess Friends counts. But it was hardly an attempt at realism, and even when I watch the first season now when we're supposedly the same age, they still look damn old to me. Then there was the failed Quarterlife show, cancelled after one episode.

I can't recall any others, none that really are about being in your 20s and the transition period of life. Where some of your friends are finishing school, others are getting their first jobs, some are buying homes while you still rent, and some are married and even have kids. It's a time in your life you can still feel like a kid while shouldering adult responsibilities and looking over said shoulder at others becoming full-fledged adults while you stay behind.

It's not like when you're a teen in high school and everyone is more or less in the same boat. It's not like early 20s where the differences aren't so great yet. The mid to late 20s is when everyone's life choices all come into focus and you can't help but compare.

There has always been and will always be shows about high school. I think that's probably because that short stint in our lives scars us all a little and we can't help but revisit it in various ways. I wonder why no one talks about what comes after that, after high school, and after college, but before your 30s (and the spouse, the kids, the house, the whatever).

I think there are stories to tell. Things happen to us before we go down the aisle and procreate.

Lost and found.

So okay, the Lost finale. I love that show, and it had me riveted from the day I started watching it. A few seasons didn't grab me like the first two did, but overall, I've never seen a show quite like it. My friend McPal and a couple others on my friendlist, and no doubt many more of the watching public had issues with the end. But not me.

I was emotionally satisfied by the ending. Enough answers were given that I could live with it. Why were they on the island? How come they were all so connected with each other? That was answered.

Less important things were left hanging. Like, where did Jacob's mother come from? What was the man in black's name? Who built the statue? What made Walt special? Why wasn't Michael's character in the finale, or Mr. Ecko's?

Would knowing where Jacob's mom came from make the show better? I mean, hell. Everyone washes up on shore via boat or plane or some other accident. That's probably how. And that's probably where her predecessors came from, too.

Does the man's name matter? Being a mystery is kind of fun. I loved the movie Once and I have no idea what their names where, or what the woman said in her native language, and that didn't ruin the movie for me. Actually, it enhanced the experience because you're left to think about it after it's over.

One could speculate that the statue was built from the various civilizations that have lived and died on that island from the beginning. With all the magical properties surrounding the place, it could be a representation of a religion. Who knows?

Michael likely wasn't there because he betrayed them all and essentially left the group. Walt's story lies somewhere else in the world. Mr. Ecko's stay on the island was brief and he didn't make connections with everyone else.

The story was about the island, yes, but mostly the characters. Who were they? How did they grow? What did they mean to one another? And watching them all remember made my heart ache. I teared up. And you realized, okay, so we don't get to know the rest of their stories. But we do know they get to be together in the end.

And is that so bad? So ***SPOILER*** Jack sacrifices himself, and Hugo is the new Jacob and Ben is like his new Richard, which gives Ben the role he's always wanted. Hugo can send Desmond back, and James, Kate, Miles, Richard, the pilot, and Claire fly away, and finish out their lives in ways we don't get to know about. Now that the last of them has passed away, they meet up again in the hereafter. And we learn that as they died in real life (Juliet, for example), they get a flash of being together again in the afterlife.

The final images of Jack back where he started, watching the plane fly away as the dog watches over him were iconic.

It wasn't an They're All Dead plotline, or even an ending, really. It's more like an epilogue we get to watch while we're still taking in the story. The end is that Jack and Desmond saved the island (And thus everyone everywhere) and Hugo took over where so many before him had come before, and would come after. We'll never know all the island's secrets, and it'll keep people talking. But we got to know the characters.

This was a case of the journey outweighing the destination. The only thing I'm bummed about is that it's over.

Bathing beauty

The mad insomniac strikes again. Well, it's only 1:30 a.m. as I'm writing this. Really, it's not an issue till 3:00. That's how I roll.

I love Lost. I <3 Lost. I watched it tonight, all glorious two hours of it, plus the hour-long recap, which was much needed. Usually when I love a show, I hate for it to end, but I'm digging this last season bit. I respect a story arch that reaches an appropriate and timely end. And I want closure.

I don't remember TV being this awesome when I was younger. I really don't. I mean, the late greats are always sited as M*A*S*H*, Cheers, All In The Family, Dallas, I Love Lucy. And in my youth there was the much too short My So-Called Life, plus Seinfeld, Friends, and the big hit 90210. And the Simpsons are still going strong, though they kind of jumped the shark back when Homer probably actually jumped a shark out of lack of better ideas five years ago.

But let's be serious. Cut to the now and the not so distant past. The Tudors. Dexter. Sex and the City. Arrested Development. Lost. Glee (fuck yes). The Office. Six Feet Under. Curb Your Enthusiasm. Mad Men. True Blood.

HBO has improved TV. They're not behind every good show, but they set the bar high. And despite the fact I loathe raunch, relaxed censors make for better almost everything. And I do so enjoy good storytelling, which can only be done properly when you don't have to work around too many off-limit words and subjects.

But enough rhapsodizing about TV.

Allow me instead to wax poetic about this bathing suit:

I can hear an angel's choir at the thought of possessing
and wearing this hot little number.

I've wanted it for about a year now. Frankly, with such indecision, it's a wonder it's still available. The only thing that is holding me back is my unfortunate short waist. My torso and a dwarf's torso have a lot in common. I've come to embrace empire waists. For the most part I'm A-OK with this. However... One-piece bathing suits have always been a great desire and the bane of my bathing suit shopping existence because there's always an extra 2-3 inches of fabric that has nowhere to go.

And how returnable are bathing suits anyway? My guess is not at all returnable. I don't care to purchase a bathing suit from any company that would allow returns anyway. Once a bathing suit has known some strange woman, I don't want it knowing me.

Those happy little straps are adjustable, which is good. But that torso do look a wee bit long, dontcha know. Le sigh. But maybe I should risk it. Maybe there'd be a way to alter it in some fashion. I don't care if there's weird zig-zaggy cuts so long as I can wear the damn thing.

I am no fan of the bikini. It's all well and good when you're standing up in good light, but the second you sit down, even if you weren't sucking in before, you're screwed now. I've shed tears in dressing rooms trying on bikinis, and I don't even hate my body. I've posed nude for artists. I've belly danced in public with an exposed stomach. There's just something about a bikini that brings out the worst in my shape, or in my feelings about my shape.

So fuck it. I'll just go ahead and get it.

Kitchen Stuff Plus minus TV

What to do on a lovely Wednesday off with $100 Christmas money burning a hole in your pocket (Well, the Dude's pocket anyway)? Buy kitchen stuff! I'm proud of him, actually. There was a time not long ago he would have been likely to blow the money on nonsense. He's a fan of the nonsense, that one. It's part of his charm. But collectible kitsch, despite its fun qualities, doesn't really get us anywhere.

So putting the desire for nonsense aside, we went to Kitchen Stuff Plus and purchased necessary and helpful items to make our lives a little more adult: A wooden cutting board, new skillet, garlic press, pepper grinder and potato masher. Earlier this year I picked up a glass measuring cup, metal mixing bowls, glass tupperware and wine glasses. It's all coming together. Seriously, these sorts of things bring me joy as living haphazardly like a student got old the day after I graduated over six years ago.

And we've been entertaining more often, more in the past three months than we have the past two years. I think it's the paint job, the wine glasses, and the general cozy atmosphere. It's the sort of place that you want people to come over to.

And now I'm torn. I need to save money for a couple trips I'm planning for in 2010, both to weddings which require plane tickets and accommodations. I intend to make them both. But I also kind of want to buy new furniture...

The Dude wants a new TV. I think since the current tube TV works, we need to focus on other things. I'm the sort of person who will usually only replace an electronic item once it stops working, no matter how old it gets. I was given a phone when I was 13 back in 1995 and it finally quit on me in 2007. Unfortunately I discovered this when I was expecting a friend over and when she buzzed for me the phone didn't ring and she went home. I didn't need any more signs after that to replace it.

But as for the TV business, I think we've dissolved into clichedom. Someone brings up their TV or the Dude sees someone's flat screen and finds out it was less than $900 and it goes from there. I'm the girlfriend who doesn't want to waste the money on electronics and he's the boyfriend who wants to watch the Leafs in high definition. One of these days I'm going to come home and my TV will be missing and the Dude will be on the couch yelling at a hockey game on a wide screen with a sheepish face and no regrets.

TV for me

I seriously don't know what people did before the Internet. Probably they had lives and went to bed at decent hours. But what's the point of a rich fulfilling life and sensible sleep schedules when you can stream episodes of Dexter online? The Dude and I are finishing season three. We've been dedicating nights to watching it.

And this has come after Lost, Curb Your Enthusiasm (This is more the Dude's thing. His ringtone is the Curb theme song), The Tudors (More my thing), Heroes, and next on my list is Mad Men. I don't care who knows it: I love TV. I really do.

And I'm utterly into Glee and The Office, but I wait for those each week and suffer through the commercials. They're worth it.

TV has gotten really awesome these past few years, too. The age of the formulaic sitcom has made way for the age of the drama. And probably about three too many detective/forensic shows. Though I guess it's counterbalanced by the reality TV available now.

I sometimes wonder how much the reality trash influences society, or if it's a reflection of society itself. Art imitating life imitating art, and all that jazz. Women competing in sexual desirability for one lame man who really doesn't seem worth the trouble. "Kids" barely out of high school on highly scripted dating shows making bold innuendos and getting naked with strangers. Contest shows essentially geared to someone getting a high profile job that's entertainment related, mostly a fame game.

Sigh.

But when I think about that and get disgruntled about the state of things, I just settle into some decent TV with creative plot twists and witty writing and rounded characters. Ah... bliss. Glee, even.